Sometimes I almost feel sick as I realize what I’m about to do. Sometimes I think to myself, am I really doing this? Then the sickening nerves diminish, and I reassure myself, yes, I really am doing this. I don’t know what my life in Uganda will look like. Sometimes I try to imagine it, but then I’m reminded that I can’t hear all of the sounds, smell all the smells, or feel the different temperatures that I’ll experience when I’m really there. I can’t imagine it. And I’m glad. I’m glad I don’t know the future, because if I did, would I still go? To be honest, I’m not sure. Life in Uganda is difficult and often times I forget that as I dream about the amazing things I’m going to experience. Thankfully, I can stand here in ignorance and pledge my life to God and the calling He’s given me without any fear. One day it will be hard though. One day I’ll cry myself to sleep. One day I’m not going to have enough energy to get out of my bed in the morning. One day I’m going to say something rude to someone I love and regret it terribly. One day I’m going to wonder if it’s all worth it. And I pray even now that I will respond to that question with an enthusiastic YES!
So, am I scared? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. Do I sometimes wonder if I’ll even last ten days there before running back to America with tears in my eyes? Yes, I do. Will I still go despite these fears? Of course. And I pray daily that God will be my strength, because without Him, I have no doubt that I won’t last a second. He is the One who has gotten me this far and I know He will get me the rest of the way.
2 Corinthians 5:7-For we live
by faith, not by sight.
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